Neglects of the Indie Mom
I have been super busy, and not in the jet-setting celebrity kind of way. In the oh-my-gosh-there-is-only- wine- and-pickles- in-my fridge kind of way. This got me thinking about all the ways my life has been compromised since this whole single mom thing happened. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change it for the world. The Queen and I are much much happier this way; however, it would be nice to actually eat 3 meals and not look at my DVR as a “to-do” list. So here are the things I have actually done in the last week that have become…well…pretty normal…
- Chewing my chipped up manicure off at night and feeling like I accomplished something for myself
- Eating a lunchable constituted a balanced breakfast
- Patting myself on the back when I wash my face at night
- Patting myself on the back even harder when The Queen actually gets a bath
- Changing jeans after only wearing them 3 times
- Actually remembering to take out the trash BEFORE my house smells like rotten go-gurt
Pretty meager existence right?! The thing is it all balances out with the absolutely wonderful time I get to spend with The Queen, VicDreamy, and my amazing friends. Time is so much more important to me than any clean pair of jeans. I’m thinking one of these days I’m going to figure this out. Ok, maybe I’m just delusional….where’s my wine??
Roadblocks of a Single Dating Mom
I am a 27 year old mom of a beautiful (and assertive, as they say) 3 year old girl (the Queen). I have been divorced for about 2 years after “the ex” decided to pull a “Tiger Woods” or ”Jessy James”, which ever you want to call it. Needless to say, it was a year of complete chaos. He does not see the Queen anymore thus making me a 100% single full time mom. I work full-time as a therapist for the chronically mentally ill. Let’s just say most of my clients have friends living in the walls and such. When I say my day has been crazy, I literally mean it! All of this has lead me to be somewhat crazed myself because not too long ago, I decided I needed to date as well. I mean, I deserve a little somthin somthin too don’t ya think?! This leads me to the many roadblocks that come my way when navigating this wonderful, joyous world that is dating with children.
1. Have you introduced him to the kid yet?
I love when people ask me this one. I just look at them and say “why yes, she is actually spending the day with him by herself already!” I wasn’t raised in a barn folks!! In fact, my daughter has only met one other person with whom I have been romantically involved. This leads me to my second roadblock….
2. The guilt that feels like a Snuffleupagus is sitting on your chest.
I already know that by simply becoming a parent, you are already screwing up your kid. I’m sure I have already accomplished considerable damage just by being me. Trust me, if I could limit the impact more, I would. The fact of the matter is I would go to the end of the earth to protect the Queen. Hmm..maybe that’s why “the Queen” is such a fitting name for her! Anyways, it’s hard enough to have her attached at the hip when the babysitter arrives, try to continue to be attractive while you are frantically texting the babysitter to make sure she is ok, then hear a child scream in a restaurant and immediately feel the unrelenting need to run home.
3. Where do you meet these guys?
Good question! It seems that once you have left the college world, all the good men are taken or homosexual. Both of which I applaud them for, but doesn’t help my cause much. I refuse to go to the meat market that is the gym. I am not cute when I am sweaty and walk out feeling more inadequate after staring at all the Gweneths in their yoga pants and sports bras with full make-up and perfect high ponytails. I work with mostly females… and well, work hasn’t proven to be much in the way of romantic networking, what with all the psychosis and all. Online dating…well that’s a whole other story. Great for man browsing…bad for man getting. Most all live with their parents and list “adventurer” for their occupation. Can someone please just admit that you are unemployed?! Which leads me to the 4th of my roadblocks…
4. It’s not you…It’s your kid
I love the fact that most men say they are perfectly fine with the fact that you have children. What they don’t understand is that dating me seriously creates insta-family. I don’t have every other weekend off or even one night out of the week for peat’s sake! I have been told numerous times, you are a really great girl, but I’m just not ready for this. You know what I say to that?? You obviously aren’t and thanks for telling me now!!! NO man will ever make me decide between him and the Queen!
5. The over criticals.
Yes, I am aware that my judgment may have been lacking the first time around. Yes, I am aware I might get hurt again. And yes, I do realize that despite my best intentions, he may cheat on me or become some alien that abducts my sanity. Guess what?! I do have a brain and actually did learn the first time around. It’s amazing how that works. I appreciate your concern, but really, I just need some support people!
I love my daughter with all my heart. At the same time, I would love to love again as well. Even the Gweneths of the world need a little break now and then right? I may not be a Gweneth at any point in my life, but I know that I aspire to show my daughter what a good, healthy relationship looks like. Besides that, I may lose my Schmidt if I can’t step out of the mommy role from time to time.
Cast of Characters
I thought it might be easier to just list out who may or may not be mentioned in this blog…a glossary of sorts.
The Queen- my assertive and high energy daughter
DB- the ex
BUB- back up bitch aka my mom
HBUB- husband of the back up bitch aka my dad
Jersey- one of my best friends
Meryl- another of those best friends
Belle- rounds out those best friends I was talking about
Vicdreamy- More to come about him…let’s just say he’s pretty wonderful
I’m working on several little dittys at the moment so stay tuned! Just wanted you to be informed so you werent all like who the fark is she talking about??!! It will be edited as necessary!
Rules of Engagement
Welcome to Indiemomrants! I’m welcoming you and at the same time, welcoming myself. I have to say, this is something I have wanted to do for quite some time now. I’ve been a single mom for about 2 years and have found an immense amount of support through other bloggers….not to mention I’ve been laughing until I pee a little lately. So before I begin, here are my “rules of engagement” that apply to everyone who so graciously decides to read the insanity of my life
- I know I will have grammatical errors at times…please do not feel like you have to flex your grammar muscle in my direction.
- This is a blog about rants…I do have an appreciation for positivity, and please understand that I created this as an outlet to bitch! (and by that I mean vent my frustrations appropriately and hopefully with some humor)
- I am not a man hater. In fact, I love me some man and find they are needed at times.
- Some names have been changed to protect the innocent.
- I absolutely love my child, but guess what?! I get tired too!
- I have a ridiculous story surrounding my divorce. It is all true! Trust me, even I couldn’t make this shmidt up.
I’m so looking forward to this being a place where other moms, dads, and any form of parent can find humor, support, and feel heard. Here we go….
Cheers!
